i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
