I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
