I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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