The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont even know how to be here
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
