I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
