When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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