I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
