Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
