I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
