This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
