Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
