I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
