I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
