The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
