Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
