my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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