I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
