on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
