she smelled like a LAN party
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
