dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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