Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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