Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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