So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
