I want to make a zoo with you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
