This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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