Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
