tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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