I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
