dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
