his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
