Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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