Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
