i was born a porn star she said
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
