Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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