Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
