I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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