you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
