I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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