Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
