Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
