I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
