I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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