Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
