Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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