she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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