...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
