Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
