my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
