Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
