she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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