Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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