having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize