i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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