The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
