I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
