I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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