im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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