I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
