I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
