She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
