I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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