I wanna bring you to show and tell
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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