Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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