I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
