How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
