I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
