Porn is love you can see.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
