I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
